Recently, a redditor asked users, “Lawyers of Reddit: What is the nastiest/craziest divorce case that you’ve handled?” People shared their most horrendous stories. Some are firsthand experiences, and others are overheard tales.
Source can be found at the bottom of the article.
1/8. A man came into the family law firm my friend was working in and says his wife was cheating on him. He’s extremely rich and wants to get divorced. The lawyer proceeds to ask him about his assets and what he wants to keep. He says that she can have the house, the car, the boat the kids etc. The lawyer asks him what he wants to keep then, given that he doesn’t seem to want anything.
The man angrily responds- “that bitch only loves her dog. I want her to suffer so I want the court to order that the dog be taken away from her and cremated. She can have 50% of the ashes and I’ll have the other 50%.”
Somehow this prince among men is getting divorced.
And despite the crazy, somehow I’m still interested in practising in family law.
2/8. My father was a divorce attorney and he was once called at his office by the husband of the woman he was representing. The husband said “You have ruined my life and I’m going to ruin yours, you better watch your little ones tonight.” My Dad stayed up most of the night with a baseball bat don’t think he even called the police.
3/8. I worked for a judge. 2 prominent local news people had a divorce. They filed mutual restraining orders against each other for “violence.” The filings were vague on details, but still somehow conveyed a sense of Shiloh or Antietam levels of blood.
When it came time for the hearing, it turned out the “violence” was spitting. More specifically, during a heated argument, flecks of spittle managed to touch the other party.
Judge denied the restraining orders, and both parties’ attorneys probably bought new yachts.
Such is justice.
4/8. My parents divorced was finalized September of 2014, but the separation of assets is still opened. The short of it is that my dad has always been really jealous, about 2 years ago my dad got it in his head that my mom was cheating with a baker/police officer in our home town (Mexico). He hired two guys to watch her 24/7, they confirmed that she was cheating and said they had a video…well $8k and my dad’s sanity later, there’s no video and my dad is mentally ill. He hired someone else to kill this baker/police officer, thankfully they too just took his money and did not kill him. He started going to brothels and sexually harassing women. He said he would leave my mom on the streets and has attempted to pay off judges. My dad was always a good hard working man, now he is someone I don’t know. Some say it’s a mid-life crisis, but the guy is 65 years old, I feel if it was a crisis it should’ve happened years ago.
TL;DR My dad thinks he lives in an Colombian Novela.
5/8. Here’s a story of a potential thwarted divorce case, told to me by our closing attorney.
Man and his fiancé are buying a house together. They get to the paper where you sign off on all your aliases. The woman has a full page of former names. The guy asks, “what is this?”
The woman non-chalantly says, “oh, I’ve been married five times before.” The guy gets up and walks out. Needless to say they did not buy the house or stay together.
6/8. I just had lunch with a lawyer friend of mine and he told me this crazy story: when he was an intern there was this divorce case where the woman was demanding her husband for child support. It was in a small city in Bolivia’s highlands and both the husband and wife were shepherds. Anyways, the husband asked the judge for a medical examination of his genitalia, turns out the “husband” was actually a woman. She was raised by her grandparents and they respected her preferences, for the rest of the community she was a boy. After her grandparents died she inherited the land and after sometime the neighbor offered her to marry his daughter (without knowing the guy was actually a girl). She accepted and once she was married she came to an agreement with her wife: they will be married but they won’t have sex. After a while the wife got a lover and had three kids; the husband took them as his/her own. Some years passed and the relationship got really deteriorated so the husband asked for a divorce, things got ugly and she ended up telling the true in order to avoid paying child support.
7/8. I had a few.
One guy had his wife served with the divorce papers while she was in the hospital undergoing cancer treatment. She had no idea he wanted a divorce.
One guy wanted a provision in his divorce that said his sons couldn’t watch NASCAR because the wife’s new boyfriend was into NASCAR.
In the same case, the property division was so contentious that the judge had the parties list every piece of furniture in the house and try to work through who would get what. The guy made sure that he wanted everything she did, down to things like lace doilies her grandma made and some trophy she won in a women’s shooting competition (“I bought her the gun so its pretty much my trophy”).
Another guy wanted no custody and no visitation with his four sons until he learned how much child support would be. Then he wanted full custody with no visitation for the wife in the hope that she’d have to pay him child support.
I only did divorces for about a year before I moved on to mortgage foreclosures. Those are far less depressing.
8/8. I interned for a small family law firm in Virginia last summer and had two really odd stories:
1. This attractive lady came in seeking a divorce. Before divorcing, she and her husband moved into a house in the Virginia mountains with her parents, as they were re-locating to from Florida to Virginia to start their relationship over and had not found a new place to live yet (she had found his personal classified ads on craigslist, if I remember correctly). Well, shit keeps hitting the fan. And he kicks her out. Of her parents house. You read that correctly.
2. Another crazy story was surrounding a mid-40’s couple that got remarried; all of their children from their respective first marriages were grown up. Anyways, they decide to adopt three kids from some African county. At first they think the 2 girls and 1 boy are brother/sister, but end up being 2 sisters and a cousin. The kids had apparently seen some awful shit back in Africa. All their parents were dead or drug addicts, etc… Anyways, they all have terrible manners that they won’t fix. Eating with their hands at the table, bad hygiene, obnoxious, etc…. However, the really sad part was the older girl (around 11-12 years old). She was sexually assaulted/raped in Africa, and she had become sexually reactive. This means she was masturbating all the time, in public, and even once made her sister perform oral sex on her, which the mother found them doing in the bathtub. A really sad story.
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