This was sent to us by a father who clearly understands life. Read on.
1. Your house is full of danger.
Everything below the line of your waist will either be destroyed or used for inflicting injuries. Ninety percent of what you do by way of «bringing up» your child becomes trying to prevent its untimely death.
2. Sleep is your new erotic fantasy.
Eight hours of sleep is much sweeter than having a bath with Monica Bellucci. At least you have the strength for it.
3. You have unpleasant sides to your personality.
You recognize yourself in your whimsy, headstrong, mischievous offspring. It’s like looking in a little magic mirror. On the bright side, you’ll finally understand what a pain in the neck you were for your own parents.
4. You’ll also become your daughter’s ideal.
It’s your image that she will bear in mind when choosing a man. Try to do your best if you want a decent son-in-law.
5. Not everything is in your power.
When you first drop your baby on the floor (not if, but when), you will pray that all is well. Even if you don’t know how or to whom to pray.
6. You are the ’bad cop’.
At about two years old your kid will wrap your wife around its little finger as it wants. Want to free yourself from tyranny — learn to command, scold when necessary, and say ’no’ a hundred times a day. It’s an unpleasant business, but someone has to.
7. Your free time begins when the baby’s asleep.
The baby is an employer without any idea of existing employment laws. There are no days-off or weekends from now on.
8. ’Small’ does not equal ’quiet’.
He may only weigh ten pounds, but when he’s upset, he sounds like a choir of fire sirens. By the way, some of them snore. Loudly.
9. There’s nothing bad in watching a good cartoon 50 times in a row.
10. You will develop the ability to negotiate with terrorists.
’He doesn’t want to go outside. Wait, yes, he wants to. No, these gloves don’t fit. No, he won’t push his hand through the sleeve. No, he doesn’t want to go outside after all. This is my toy, although it’s not…’ All parley is held in a soft voice, with a smile and using pet names a lot.
11. There is such a thing as true happiness.
Not only is your child sincere in expressing its feelings, but it also makes you feel very happy and tender on the inside. You might be a confirmed cynic, but you’ll be moved to tears by many of your kid’s words and actions. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
12. You’re a horsey, wehee!
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