Family Stories That Are Too Funny Not To Tell

No matter what happens in your life, your family always understands and supports you. No matter big or small, full or incomplete, there is love and warmth enough in it for everyone, and then there’s the funny stories… 

Here are a few of those funny stories:

  • My height is 4′ 9“, and my husband’s — 5′ 1“. My dad is 5′ 9”. Не also happens to have a long beard. Whenever my dad comes to visit, he always greets us like this: “Well, hello, my dear hobbits!“ To which my husband replies, ”Great to see you, Gandalf!”
  • Our family is made up of four people: me, my wife, and our two daughters. A few days ago, we had an argument about whose turn it was to walk the dog. Finally, we decided to settle it by playing a game. The rules were simple: everyone stays silent for as long as possible — the first person to utter a word takes the pooch out. Everything suggested a prolonged struggle ahead, but, as soon as the game commenced, one of our daughters assumed a resolute face and went to dress herself, clearly intent on going outside. She readied all the dog-walking stuff, donned her mud shoes, put the dog on its leash, and took it to the front door. “Respect to you, Polly!” cried the rest of us, almost in unison. At which point, Polly took off her coat again and said, “Gotcha!“ with a satisfied grin.
  • Each morning, one of the first things I do after I wake up is make breakfast for my five-year-old niece, Anne. I’ve been doing this little ritual for about a year now, and, to be honest, I’ve grown used to it. It even gives me joy. Anyway, yesterday morning I got up at 8:30 instead of 8:00 (it was my day off, so I set the alarm clock for half an hour later). As usual, I went to the kitchen to make my niece scrambled eggs and hot sandwiches. Imagine my surprise when I found a cup of steaming tea, two sandwiches, and a bowl of homemade yogurt waiting for me on the table! Turns out, Anne had learned of my day off and decided to make a pleasant surprise for me. Children sure can thank in earnest.
  • Suddenly popping into the room, my mother orders in a stern voice, ”Go to sleep already, you parasite!“
    Startled, I begin to object guiltily, saying that it’s still too early for bedtime. On hearing my pleas, my mother explains that she wasn’t addressing me — she was chiding her dog, who keeps messing with its toys under the table.
    “Isn’t this swell?!” Mom sighs. ”You do your best to surround your kid with love and attention, but should you accidentally utter a swear word, he still immediately takes it to be aimed at him!“
    ”Our kid wasn’t the only one to feel nervous at your words!” my dad pipes in from the sofa. “I’ve only just breathed out easily myself!”
  • When I was five or six years old, my parents and I used to drive each evening to a remote field in the country. My dad would stop the car and walk into the field, carrying a fishing rod with a small piece of wood attached to its line instead of a bobber. You’ll never guess what’d happen next… He’d swing the rod above his head, while making noises that imitated a mouse squeaking. After some time, an owl would swoop down on him. A real, large owl! Again and again, it’d try to catch the piece of wood in its beak. This would offer me an opportunity to get a good look at the bird. Undoubtedly, I owe my great appreciation of animals and nature to my dad. And those were the best moments of my childhood!
  • Not long ago, my boyfriend came to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. On hearing him out, my dad suddenly fell at his feet crying, “Our savior!!!“
    Later, Dad told me that he got the idea for such behavior from a joke he heard and liked back in his student days. When the opportunity finally arrived, he couldn’t resist acting the scene out for real!
  • Last weekend, me, my brother, and our families (his wife and their seven-year-old daughter; my husband and our eleven-year-old son) went for a drive to visit my mom, who lives in the country. The kids became bored during the journey, so we decided to pull up at the nearest mall to buy them water pistols. In the end, we bought something that looked more like super cool water machine guns. Our kids had a great time watching their parents enjoying the mother of all waterfights!
  • Last night, I caught myself wondering — how come I never quarrel with my husband? I mean, all of my friends have regular rows with their hubbies. And, judging by what they say, such shouting matches tend to be sparked by small, everyday stuff.
    Looking around our living room, I noticed lots of things with a potential to trigger a row: dirty socks and T-shirts scattered on the sofa; breadcrumbs, candy wrappers, and unwashed coffee mugs on the table; piles of cat fur on the carpet; jeans strewn over chairs.
    But, unlike with my friends, none of this made me ”mad.”
    My husband and I simply continued to sit in each other’s arms, on the relatively clean end of the sofa, watching our favorite TV show.
    Yes — we’re just a pair of dirty happy pigs!
  • My husband, John, lost his mother at an early age. When he married me, my mother started treating him as her own son, wishing to give him some of the love he’d been denied. Last night, John invited me, our two sons, and my mother to a restaurant. There, in front of the whole family, he thanked his mother-in-law for being so incredibly good to him.
  • As I’m standing in line at the post office, my five-year-old daughter whiles away the time by exploring the magazine stand. Suddenly, she turns to me and says, “Dad, look! There’s the Winx Club Magazine! And they’ve got Stella on the cover!” I glance at the stand and reply, “That’s not Stella, that’s Bloom!” Two young women standing in line next to me look at me in amazement… Well, what did they expect? When a guy is bringing up a little girl, a guy’s gotta stay informed!
  • I just love my parents-in-law! After my father-in-law accidentally dented one of the car’s doors, he stole his wife’s glasses to prevent her from noticing.
  • My eight-year-old daughter comes to me in great agitation. I observe the changing emotions on her face, as she begins her tale: “Dad! I’ve just seen this hu-u-u-uge butterfly out on the street! It was, like, really many-colored!“
    My little one spreads her arms to show how big the butterfly was. If the distance between her palms is to be believed, the thing was about the size of a Red-tailed Hawk.
    ”All the kids were afraid of it! No one dared to come near. Then some boys decided to squash it with a stick, but they were too afraid to get close!“
    (My little one begins to jump excitedly.)
    “Dad, I alone wasn’t afraid! I picked up a stick and…”
    I immediately feel abhorred by my daughter’s cruelty. But, before I get the chance to open my mouth to say something along the lines of ”You shouldn’t harm butterflies! What made you want to kill it anyway?“ she continues:
    ”I picked up a stick and chased those nasty boys away! And then I nudged the butterfly to fly home, so that no one else could harm it!”


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