My daughter died three weeks ago. My wife and I are very upset, but we’re coping with the loss. I’m writing this because I’m a little worried about my daughter’s boyfriend. I’ve been back to her grave three times over the past three weeks, and he’s been there every time. Just sitting there. I left the first two times because I didn’t want to disturb him, but yesterday I went over and talked to him. We went to a bar and talked some more.
I’m not going to pretend to know him; I had only talked to him 5 or 6 times prior to my daughter’s accident. But he seems like the kind of guy who keeps to himself, with not too many friends. He’s also a bit of a nerd. He reminds me of myself actually, which is part of the reason I feel the need to help in some way. When we were at the bar, he said a few somewhat alarming things, but these two stuck out: “She was all I had. I have nothing left” and “I’m lost without her.”
I suggested therapy, told him that it’s helped me in the past, but he had no interest in it. I offered to let him stay at my house, I can’t imagine it’s very nice sleeping in the apartment that she died in, but he declined.
We went to another bar yesterday, to have another talk. I figured it would help him open up to me a little more. After a couple of drinks, he became very emotional and started bawling his eyes out. He was really worked up about it, and he cried for several minutes as I tried to comfort him. He finally opened up to me and told me how much my daughter loved him, and how he loved her. They were really into each other and had been a lot closer than I had imagined.
He told me that my daughter and he were planning to marry in a couple of months and that everything was going great until her accident happened. She’d never had a chance to tell her mom and me her plans, but I do recall her being a lot happier in the past few months since she met him.
I could only be silent after he told me what they planned, as tears filled my eyes. And then he told me that my daughter loved me and her mom very much and that I was her hero. He said that she wanted to do something very special for us for being there for her as her parents. He did not elaborate on what that was, but the thought broke my heart. Tears ran freely down my cheeks, and I could only think of how blessed I was for having such a wonderful, loving daughter.
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